WARNING:

I need this for my mirror at home.  I need it so I can look at it every day and remind myself that I am who I am, I weigh what I weigh and I am not going to able to keep abusing my body to be something that "TV" says is beautiful. 

I will say, those things are easy to say, however it is hard to wrap my mind around the idea of being "ok" with how I am right now.  Right now, every channel is running weight loss center commercials.  I understand they are running because a lot of people make it their new year’s resolution to lose weight, however, on the flip side for me, I am so tired of seeing them and just a little bit I feed into them.  I have even looked up one on the internet and the meals that they provide are more calories than I would even think about.  I know it is crazy, but "ED" can make you think crazy thoughts.  I know.... I look in the mirror and pick out EVERY flaw that I have.  I see things wrong with me that no one else sees.  I keep telling myself, I need to lose five more pounds and I will be happy with where I am at.  How will I ever know when I lose the five pounds if I am scared to get on the scale?  I cannot judge if i have lost weight or not so when I look in the mirror, I just keeping thinking.... lose more weight ... lose more weight ... lose more weight.  I am not losing, I feel like I am not losing at all, but I don’t feel like I am gaining.  I am just in this spot of "body image hell". 

I am a huge believer in everyday is new day.  This is true.  The thoughts that I am struggling with today, hopefully will be gone in the morning and I will be able to put clothes on and feel good about myself. 

Tomorrow I will remember ~ reflections in the mirror may be distorted ~