I am okay with where I am

be okay with where you are, even if you know you want to change

The holidays are over and the craziness has passed.  Thank goodness.  I really struggled this year.  Maybe it was because I have opened up more and I feel like more people are watching me, or maybe it is because I feel guilty because I know I should be doing better, or maybe it is because I have come to terms with some of the relationships in my life and spending the holidays with people that I have decided that I want more or less of their time,  is hard.  Never the less, I made it through the few days of hell.  Which is sad ...I should not think of Christmas as "the few days of hell".  I love the story of Christmas and church on Sunday was wonderful, however I hate the gatherings and the eating and the fake conversations and this year I really hated the awkwardness.  Do not get me wrong, I love seeing my family and I love being around them, however it does not need to be a special day for me to spend time with the people that I love the most in life. 

I am in a place of confusion and stress.  I over think everything in my life, down to my pants size ... which I am still not moved on from.  Why am I letting my pants size tug on me so much?   It is crazy.

I found two pictures that I connected with today :)

. 












This is so true, however I cannot let it go, something that  I was keeping so personal is now out there and I have a new pair of jeans to try on that I did not purchase myself.  I know.... it is a form of insanity.  The stress and confusion is keeping me up at night.  I cannot remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep.  Being tired makes my mind run faster in different directions.  It is a crazy circle. 

Maybe the best advice I can take is:

be okay with where you are, even if you know you want to change

I know I need to change, I need to embrace change.  Right now I am just standing still.  I am just going to be in the place I am in and later when I am ready to start moving again, I will. 

I am going to work on being okay with where I am, even when everyone around wants me to change.