Friday, March 16, 2012

Always Wear Your Invisible Crown!!!

I know it has been awhile since my last blog, however when I saw this picture I was inspired J

Always wear your invisible crown .... I love it!! 

I am wearing mine today.  I guess I have been wearing my invisible crown for a little while.  Here I am, in this place where I feel like things are coming together.  I am just happy.  Things sometimes are on my mind, but I have come to an agreement with myself, I refuse to let things get me down.  I refuse to let people stop my progress and I refuse this live an unhappy life.  It does not matter who did or did not call me on my birthday.  I do not care who likes me or not.  I do not care what people think of me.  A very wise man said, “It is not my business to know what people's opinions are of me.  They are only opinions and they have no leverage on the person I really am.”   This is so true; I know for me and my struggle with eating disorders, I have cared about what people’s opinions are of me.  I have cared about their opinion on my appearance, on my weight, on me in general.  Really, when I stopped and thought about it, I was letting their opinion dictate my life.  Not anymore.

I have asked in the past, a few times, “What does recovery feel like?”  “How will I know it is recovery?”  I have discovered in the past month that recovery for each person is different.  You make your own recovery.  What you can live with, not what other people want for you.  People, family, doctors can tell you that you should recover, but until they have struggled like you have struggled, they have no idea the heartache, the stress, the pain, the control of an eating disorder, they also have no idea of the burning desire to find recovery.  On my search for recovery, I have found that each path to recovery is what you make it.  Some of us have a straight, narrow, long path.  Others, like myself, have short, bumpy paths with many exists and road blocks.  You just have to keep trying until you find YOUR path.  My path is one that I have not always been proud of. Along the way I have lost friends and loved ones, however I have also found incredible friendships, a fantastic support group and most importantly, I have found myself.   I have found an inner peace with my body, I have found a deeper peace with my Lord, and I have found a compromise with food that I can live with and with that, I have found happiness.  So why shouldn’t I wear my invisible crown?

Life is about change. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's beautiful, but most of the time, it's both ... Always wear your invisible crown ... heck, why does it need to ALWAYS be invisible? J