Thursday, October 18, 2012

Finally, I am where I need to be :)

The last time I blogged, I was "on my way to wonderful".  Finally, I can say I am here. :)  I have done a lot of soul searching.  A lot of "reorganizing" the people in my life.  A lot of prioritizing.  I have done a ton of laughing and very little crying.  I have finally put myself first.  I have finally let myself be happy. 

OK  ... so here is the scoop.  Everyone says, "you first have to love your self  before you can love or be loved by another person".  I call bull crap ...  This is why...


My "baggage" is I have huge self image issues, I am a person living with anorexia.  I will push people away and I will worry, I will starve myself and I put stress on the relationships of the people I love most when I do not take care of myself.  However, I have found someone who has helped me unpack my fears and my doubt.  He has held me and he has laughed with me.  He loved me first  and showed me that love is enough ~~~ his love for me is enough to make me stop and see things around me differently.  He makes me understand that EVERYTHING more than love is EXTRA or BONUS. 
I have learned in the past few months to do just this .....

So far the journey has been great!  I have been able to control my "ED".  The people in my life and their love for me is more important than the eating disorder.  I take small steps, day by day and do what I need to.  If I am lucky enough to have found someone who will fight for me, I should fight too. 

I use to think that "ED" would control my life forever.  I felt in my heart that it would always hold the most weight.  I know that "ED" will always be apart of who I am, but happiness and faith has made me realize that it does not have to be the biggest, most controlling thing in my life. 

Today, I leave you with a picture of pure happiness for me.  I can not remember the last time I smiled like this and when I felt "ED" speaking to me, I look at it and remember that I have love and friendship and hope for a future. There is hope for everyone living and fighing "ED".

Find your happiness!!!    :)

 <3 always, always