Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Finding Joy in MY Journey :)

Finding Joy in MY Journey

My journey has not always been easy however I feel like I am on my path to recovery.  I feel at peace right now.  I feel like I have so many good things going on right now in my life.  I have come to an agreement with “ED”.  An agreement that I can live a wonderful life with an eating disorder. 

~ I understand that I will ALWAYS live with “ED”.  I will always worry about my weight and my body.  I will always see all the imperfections; however, in this moment I am at peace with the stretch marks from giving birth and the scar from my childhood.  I feel really good in my clothes and more importantly I feel really good in MY skin.  I want to be toner and I am working on that; at what I feel like is a good, safe, healthy pace.  Right now that is all I can do. 

~I understand that what is the past is the past.  I do not have a rewind button and I cannot change what is done, but what I can do is forgive … not just the people that have hurt me, but myself.  I have learned that people say things out of anger and hurt that they never truly meant.  Once you speak words, you can never take them back.  You can apologize, but you cannot take them back …. The damage is already done.  I have learned through my journey that forgiving is a wonderful thing.  It does not matter what was said, what matters is how things are handled after the horrible words.  Some bonds may be damaged but never severed.  As long as there is one strand holding them together, anything can be healed. 

I have struggled and I have healed and I have struggled and here I am healing again.  I have learned that this is my journey.  Many people are on the journey with me, but they cannot do it for me.  I have learned a great deal on my journey ……..
     *Forgiveness is more for you than the other person. 
     *True friendship is rare and special.
     *A mother’s love is always and forever unconditional. 
     *Love yourself first in order to find love.
     *Be courageous
     *The power of prayer is indescribably beautiful.

Most of all be fearless …. Fearless in love …. Fearless in hope …. Fearless in recovery …. And when I slip …. Be fearless enough to get back up and start again. J

The journey is only over when you give up ….. Why not find the joy in it?