Friday, August 16, 2013

The Battles of My Soul


"some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul"

YES .... TRUE STORY .... HAPPENING NOW ....

I have not always been open about "ED" and for a LONG time I had this constant battle going on about weight and worth.  It wasn't until I started to get it out that I discovered a few things:
(1) I am not alone - many people have similar battles as I do.
(2) I have an amazing support system.
(3) Sometimes what is in my head is not the reality I live in.
(4) Sometimes things trigger and I can't help but to give in a little. 

TRUTH  ... Just because I have learned the four things above does not mean it is cut and dry. 

Common sense would tell you that since I know these things, it should be easy to identify and move on.  That is not the truth.  The truth is my mind is messed up!!  The truth is I am struggling.  Probably the dumbest thing I have done in a long time is consider eating a tapeworm to lose weight.  Really Chevie???  I know, to say that I am struggling is an understatement.  Of course, I did not eat a tapeworm nor do I plan on it, but the thought did enter my mind. 

Losing weight will not solve my issues ~~ Losing weight will not get my mind straight. 

I understand that "ED" is semi in charge of my thoughts right now, which means it is also semi in charge of my life.  For the first time in a long time, I can not open up and share with the person that I love the most.  All I can do is cry and all I can say is "My mind is messed up right now."  As you can imagine that can not be a good feeling for anyone, it can not be a good thing to hear.  Nevertheless, this is where I am at right now. 

I know that this battle will not last forever and I know that my mind and thoughts will straighten out. Once again my soul will be quiet and free. 

<3 always always





1 comment:

  1. thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope. I am trying to help others and run a new support group in southern Spain. I think this describes recovery and how to fight an eating disorder so well. Thanks for the brave blog

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