Friday, August 16, 2013

The Battles of My Soul

"some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul"


I have not always been open about "ED" and for a LONG time I had this constant battle going on about weight and worth.  It wasn't until I started to get it out that I discovered a few things:
(1) I am not alone - many people have similar battles as I do.
(2) I have an amazing support system.
(3) Sometimes what is in my head is not the reality I live in.
(4) Sometimes things trigger and I can't help but to give in a little. 

TRUTH  ... Just because I have learned the four things above does not mean it is cut and dry. 

Common sense would tell you that since I know these things, it should be easy to identify and move on.  That is not the truth.  The truth is my mind is messed up!!  The truth is I am struggling.  Probably the dumbest thing I have done in a long time is consider eating a tapeworm to lose weight.  Really Chevie???  I know, to say that I am struggling is an understatement.  Of course, I did not eat a tapeworm nor do I plan on it, but the thought did enter my mind. 

Losing weight will not solve my issues ~~ Losing weight will not get my mind straight. 

I understand that "ED" is semi in charge of my thoughts right now, which means it is also semi in charge of my life.  For the first time in a long time, I can not open up and share with the person that I love the most.  All I can do is cry and all I can say is "My mind is messed up right now."  As you can imagine that can not be a good feeling for anyone, it can not be a good thing to hear.  Nevertheless, this is where I am at right now. 

I know that this battle will not last forever and I know that my mind and thoughts will straighten out. Once again my soul will be quiet and free. 

<3 always always


  1. thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope. I am trying to help others and run a new support group in southern Spain. I think this describes recovery and how to fight an eating disorder so well. Thanks for the brave blog