Thursday, January 5, 2012
Take What I Need
The past 24 hours have been an emotional roller coaster and now I have to focus on the path ... the path to happiness and recovery. In order to stay straight on the path I am going to take what I need and leave the rest for later.
HOPE: I have hope. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. I believe that. He does have a plan for me and if He has HOPE for me than I will take that and hold it near.
COURAGE: I have always felt like I lacked COURAGE, so much I have a "COURAGE" tattoo in hopes it will remind me to be courageous.
FORGIVENESS: I need FORGIVENESS from the people I have hurt and I want to FORGIVE the people that have hurt me. I know FORGIVNESS is hard. It is something that everyone wants, but can hardly do. There is a quote, "FORGIVENESS is not for them, it is for you." I am going to try to remember that.
LOVE: I believe in LOVE. LOVE for your family, LOVE for your children and LOVE for yourself. I want to LOVE, I just need to figure out what LOVE is made of, how it looks, but more importantly I need to just LOVE and let everything else work out.
LAUGHTER: Thank goodness I have tons of LAUGHTHER in my life. It keeps me grounded. When everything else is crazy, I will have LAUGHTER to remind me to keep light - hearted.
PEACE of mind: WOW ... this is one that I am struggling with. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around things right now and to just be at PEACE with myself would be a wonderful thing. Hopefully PEACE of mind will come in time.
FAITH: I am thankful everyday for the FAITH the Lord has given me. When all else fails, when people are hurtful, when I have made mistakes, when I need answers, when I need peace, I turn to Him .... Matthew 17:9 says, "If you have FAITH the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "move here" and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." :)
TENDERNESS: I need TENDERNESS. Sometimes, I need to be handled with "kid gloves". I think I need to understand when other people need TENDERNESS. There are times that each and every one of us need to be handled with "kid gloves".
BEAUTY: I see BEAUTY in all the things around me. I see BEAUTY in my children, I see BEAUTY in the way my brother and mom love me, I see BEAUTY in my friendships. I want more than anything to see BEAUTY in me. It's in there, I just have to look in the mirror enough and start believing what I see. It is not just about appearance and I need to believe that.
STRENGTH: I will take a bunch of this. I need all the STRENGHT I can get. I need it to find recovery; I need it every day to look in the mirror. I need STRENGTH to be to stay on the path.
REST: I will REST .... When I cannot sleep, my mind is all over the place. I am more emotional. When I am tired, is when the eating disorder is the most powerful. My body needs REST.
PASSION: I want to have PASSION in my life. PASSION for love and PASSION for life. I will find my PASSION again.