Thursday, January 5, 2012

Take What I Need

The past 24 hours have been an emotional roller coaster and now I have to focus on the path ... the path to happiness and recovery.  In order to stay straight on the path I am going to take what I need and leave the rest for later. 

HOPE: I have hope.  "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.  I believe that.  He does have a plan for me and if He has HOPE for me than I will take that and hold it near. 

COURAGE:  I have always felt like I lacked COURAGE, so much I have a "COURAGE" tattoo in hopes it will remind me to be courageous. 

FORGIVENESS: I need FORGIVENESS from the people I have hurt and I want to FORGIVE the people that have hurt me.  I know FORGIVNESS is hard.  It is something that everyone wants, but can hardly do.  There is a quote, "FORGIVENESS is not for them, it is for you."  I am going to try to remember that. 

LOVE: I believe in LOVE. LOVE for your family, LOVE for your children and LOVE for yourself.  I want to LOVE, I just need to figure out what LOVE is made of, how it looks, but more importantly I need to just LOVE and let everything else work out. 

LAUGHTER: Thank goodness I have tons of LAUGHTHER in my life.  It keeps me grounded.  When everything else is crazy, I will have LAUGHTER to remind me to keep light - hearted.  

PEACE of mind: WOW ... this is one that I am struggling with.  I am having a hard time wrapping my head around things right now and to just be at PEACE with myself would be a wonderful thing.  Hopefully PEACE of mind will come in time.  

FAITH: I am thankful everyday for the FAITH the Lord has given me.  When all else fails, when people are hurtful, when I have made mistakes, when I need answers, when I need peace, I turn to Him .... Matthew 17:9 says, "If you have FAITH the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "move here" and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you."  :)

TENDERNESS: I need TENDERNESS.  Sometimes, I need to be handled with "kid gloves".  I think I need to understand when other people need TENDERNESS.  There are times that each and every one of us need to be handled with "kid gloves".  

BEAUTY: I see BEAUTY in all the things around me.  I see BEAUTY in my children, I see BEAUTY in the way my brother and mom love me, I see BEAUTY in my friendships.  I want more than anything to see BEAUTY in me.  It's in there, I just have to look in the mirror enough and start believing what I see.  It is not just about appearance and I need to believe that. 

STRENGTH: I will take a bunch of this.  I need all the STRENGHT I can get.  I need it to find recovery; I need it every day to look in the mirror.  I need STRENGTH to be to stay on the path.  

REST: I will REST .... When I cannot sleep, my mind is all over the place.  I am more emotional.  When I am tired, is when the eating disorder is the most powerful.  My body needs REST.

PASSION:  I want to have PASSION in my life.  PASSION for love and PASSION for life.  I will find my PASSION again.

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