Monday, January 9, 2012

Without Darkness ......

without darkness, one cannot know light

There are many dark things in my life, but thank goodness I have had darkness, so I can appreciate the light :) 

Eating disorders are horrible.  Any kind, in any shape, they are all horrible.  My eating disorder keeps me in the dark a lot.  There are days that all I want to do is sleep so that i do not have to be up thinking about my weight.  My eating disorder makes me think about everything I put into my mouth.  It consumes me every day.  my eating disorder is causing me to lose my hair, it is causing me to bruise very easily, it is making lose sleep and making me very emotional.  However, through the darkness, there is light.  Light of a better day, light of recovery.  I am moving on each day to recovery.  I realized that right now I am in the dark, but when I am in the light, I will appreciate myself more.  In the light, I will love myself and my body, because I have been in the dark of hating myself and my body.  I know, the place I am in right this moment is bad and once I find my way out, I am going to fight everyday to at least have my "night light on".  I am trying to stay positive and realistic.  Realistic, in that I know, where I am at with my eating disorder, but positive that one day I will not be here.  :)

Another dark place for me is my relationship with my sister and a few other people.  I have been open and honest, I have been angry and sad, I have let go and tried to move on, but when people always have something to say, it is hard to stay in that place of not caring.  We live in a world where a single word can spread within minutes.  People think that they can say something and that it will never get back around to the other person.  It always does.  I have learned in the darkness of horrible relationships, how beautiful the light of true friendships can be.  I have learned in the darkness of people’s words, the light from a real friend can shine the brightest.  When hate consumes people and they insist on continuing to hurt people, love from a true friend will make you forget all about them.  Thank goodness I have several shining lights in my life, to help me forget about the dark.   :)

Just when you think every door is closed, remember this; just because the door is closed does not mean it is locked. Sometimes all you need to do is push on it. Taking a chance and pushing one a closed door, might find you light that you did not expect.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sending some light your way. You can do this! Keep fighting:)