Monday, December 12, 2011

Beautiful and Flawless Today

I went out of town this past weekend.  I had the best time.  The road trip was fun, the place was beautiful, Bart Crow is my favorite, and the company was awesome!!! However, it is always hard when you get out of your comfort zone and schedule.  When you go out to eat in a group it is difficult.  When you have to eat in front of people that you have never ate in front of before, it is scary and when you go out to eat with people who are in your support system know what is going on, it is a struggle because I wonder are they watching me.  I was with the best people however, they eat when they were hungry and I did my best to eat when they did.   For weeks all I have heard about is this restaurant ... "We have to eat there.  It is the best.  They have the BEST mashed potatoes."  We went and ate and I will say I had the best chicken salad sandwich I had probably ever had.  It was amazing, but I was a bit overwhelmed.  Overwhelming because there were so many choices, there were so many people, it was just out of my comfort area. Even though I was overwhelmed, never this weekend did I feel watched or hovered.  Everyone was nice and normal.  Thank goodness.  With that being, said, now that the weekend is over and the fun has gone away I am back in the real world and I am struggling coping with the amount of food that I did consume this past weekend.  I just feel down about it.  I feel bad that I allowed myself so much freedom.    I was starting to really worry about the scale and how much I gained in one weekend and then I received a message and in the message was a verse that is perfect for me ... You are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you.  - Song of Solomon 4:7 ...  This was one of the most heartwarming; amazing verses I have ever read.  It is perfect for me.  So today ... I will let the weekend food go.  I will not count the calories and I will not eat numbers.  I will eat food to nurture my body.  I will smile because this disorder has not taken full control over my life and I am still alive.  Right this moment I am happy.  I cannot promise that tomorrow will be great and I cannot promise that I won’t start count numbers again, but today ... today I am not - today I free of guilt - today I am beautiful and flawless. 

Thanks Shell for your kind words and more importantly thank you for the bible verse.  It will forever have a SPECIAL place not only in my heart but my life. 

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