This is a blog about MY journey with an eating disorder. There is hope in recovery and I have found joy in the journey. :)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Love is LOUDER
Ok ..... I know that this picture is harsh to look at. I know that is will offend people, however this is the best example of what is in my head. Right now I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is fat rolls and imperfections. If I look at myself without clothes on it is almost unbearable. Everytime I look at myself I find something different that I hate. I know that hate is a strong word, however I HATE the way my body looks. Someone once said, "Chevie, you do not have a REAL problem. Just eat." It sounds so simple ... just eat. I can eat. I do eat. It is after I eat that I feel horrible. I know that what my eyes see in the mirror is not what everyone else sees. I know that I am a horrible judge when it comes to body image. However, just because I know that I am a poor judge does not mean that I can control it.
The voice in my mirror is loud, some days out of control, some days it is so loud that I want to break the mirror.
Thank goodness this is true in my life. Love is loud. The amount of love that my support system shows me is amazing. I may not always be able to hear it louder the the voice in the mirror but that is ok. It is ok because when I struggle they will yell their love for me. :)