Make your own Rainbow ....

Make your own rainbow!!!  I love the idea of that .... I get to pick the colors I want, I get to make it as big as I want, I get to make it as beautiful as I want.    However, that is just it, it is only an idea, the reality is, it MUST rain before you can have a rainbow.  Trying to keep things positive in a not so positive world right now .... Maybe right this moment it is raining in my life, but one day some how, it will stop and I will have my rainbow.  My pink and purple, red and green, blue and orange, teal and magenta... :)  

Magenta for my friends (who no matter what love me!), pink for Clowey, red, green and blue for Keaton, Bailey and Kennedy, orange for my mom, purple for hope and courage, and teal for love (I still believe in love).

Right now I feel like I live in a storm .... grey and black, foggy and cold.....

Black represents the eating disorder, grey for the doubt and insecurities it causes me to have ..... foggy because I want to see through it.  It is like I am almost there and I see the other side, I see my rainbow, but yet cold because I just cant be happy with myself. 

Do I deserve happiness? Do I give enough happiness to people to earn it back in return?

I do deserve it ... I will have it ... and I will have my rainbow ... teal and pink, purple and red, green and blue, magenta and orange all trimmed in silver.  I have no idea when I will have it ... I know it will be a work in progress ... I will have to sharpen one crayon at a time and maybe several times before the rainbow is complete, but I love those colors enough to make it happen ..... one day ........