Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thankful EVERYDAY!!!

If I woke up today with only the things that I thanked God for yesterday, I would be complete. 

I do this thing each day.  I write on one side of a note card: ”Today I am thankful for ...." and list things that I feel like I am thankful for.  On the other side I write a verse and a little prayer.  I have been doing this for a little while now.  It makes me feel good.  On one side, it reminds me that I have a lot to be thankful for and on the other side it helps me find courage and strength for my struggles. 

Here we are close to Thanksgiving and everyone feels the need to be thankful all of a sudden.  We should be thankful, but shouldn’t we be thankful everyday, not just the 30 days in November.  Or better than that.... look at the people who start out strong and then just stop.  Have they run out of things to the thankful for?   Surely not.. life happens and they forget to post. They have intentions and then get busy and can’t find the time.  You have people posting things about who they are thankful for and when you leave someone out or if you say someone before someone else then you have hurt feelings.  I have had my feelings hurt based on peoples posts.  I think people get caught up in the "game" of it and forget that being thankful is so much more. 

I am not perfect, I have made mistakes, I have struggles, because of that I have discovered that I have many many things to be thankful for.  If this was true, if I only had what I was thankful for yesterday, I would have, my mom. I would have my job.  I would have Juli, Jennifer, Amy, Connie, and Holly and their perfect friendships.  I would have Cloweys sweet smile in the mornings, Keaton's laugh, Bailey's heart and Kennedy (just the way he is).   Most of all I would have my Lord, because I am thankful for his many blessings and his unfailing love for me.  The funny thing is my list changes very little.  There may be different reasons why I am thankful for each person.  There may  be a different person on there just based on that day, but for the most part it stays the same.  That list is my support system, the reasons that I make it every day.  The reasons I work on recovery.  Therefore, I will be thankful EVERYDAY! 

I am not perfect, I have made mistakes, I have struggles, because of that I have the other side of the note card.  The side where I say a prayer.  A prayer for help. I refuse to pray for someone to change.  They have to change for themselves, but I can pray that He gives me knowledge and strength to change myself, to change how I handle the situation.  I pray every day God gives me patience with Kennedy.  He is 90 miles an hour all the time, he is made that way, no matter how much I pray, he is going to be that way, so I pray for me.  When things with Kevin are difficult, I pray that God gives me the ability to see the bigger picture and not to fight over petty, small stuff.  When I cannot understand why people are rude and hateful and mean, I pray that God gives me the strength to overcome the hatred and the  peace to not retaliate back.  What good will it do to be mean back, to say hurtful stuff back.  I cannot change the fact that most people want to be in the middle of everyone’s business, they feel like they have the right, so I pray that He gives me the heart to just be ok with what people think and every chance I get, not to judge based on others words, to make my own opinion and to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Who people once where and the places they have been, is not who they are today and where they are now.  People forget ...  they are so quick to remind you and others of your past and not remember that they too are not in the same place or the same person they once were.  I am thankful EVERYDAY that I am in a different place and I pray God reminds me of that before I am quick to pass judgment or words about others on.  It is my not my place to nor is it anyone else’s place. 

I am at this place in my life where I am not happy with every single thing in my life, but yet I am completely happy with life.  I am not happy with my weight, but yet I have hope for recovery.  I am not happy with my relationship with my sister, but yet I still love her.  I am not happy with Bailey’s health, but yet I am thankful that it is not worse. I am not happy with my past, but yet it has made me who I am today.   I am not happy that my mom hurts, but yet she is awesome everyday regardless. 

I was thankful yesterday, I am thankful today and I will be thankful tomorrow because I learned from my yesterday, happy with my today and hopeful for my tomorrow. 

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