Sunday, November 20, 2011

Start a Revolution

Start a Revolution .... Stop hating your body!

REVOLUTION: a "turn around" or a fundamental change in power that takes place in a relatively short period of time. 

I had a FABULOUS weekend!!!  I went  to see Randy Rogers on Friday night and I had the best time!!  I was so worried that day about the night.  I was worried about what to wear, if I was skinny, if I was good enough, if I was what was wanted.  At the end of the day, I did exactly what I said I would do.   I walked in there and completely had a great time and looked amazing.  Saturday, I played in a softball tournament with some of my favorite people.  Kristen, my step - sister, who is awesome.  I love playing with her!!  She totally makes me laugh.  It just makes my heart smile to spend time with her.  Jennifer, who what more can I say about her, she is wonderful. James ... :):):).  Jeremy, Van, Kelly, Lacey, who I have had a great time on their team this past year.  Ivan, Preston, and Chris, which they were great to come help us out and my dear friend Amberly , who I just plain LOVE!!! I laughed and danced and had a great time.  :)

However, in the midst of all that is going on, I made poor decisions when it came to food.  I had four energy drinks before 5:00 pm and made the conscious choice to throw up what little lunch I did eat. My heart started to race and my chest and got tight and I was worried.  I was lucky to have people around me that love me and care for me.  Because of what I decided to do, I caused pain and disappoint in the people that I love and adore the most.  I hate this .... Why cant I see myself as they see me?  This is my thing ... I believe when I am told that I am enough .. I believe because I see the complete honesty and sincerity in their eyes, but I second guess myself.  I know that they love me and I feel almost like they "have" to say it.  The "non- eating disorder chevie" knows that, they don't have to say nice things to me, but the "eating disorder chevie" seems to ALWAYS win. 

Right now; in my life; I have people in  my life that are fantastic!  Friends that are there always, parents that are wonderful, kids that make me smile, so why cant I have my own "revolution"?  Why can't stop hating my body? 

I will be ok ... I will be because I have people around me that will not let me be anything but ok.  For that I am thankful. :)   NO war was ever won in one day, so I will keep this in mind and "my revolution" will come and "my army" will receive metals for all they have done!

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