Monday, November 21, 2011

My Unique War

My Unique War

My heart skipped a beat when I read this.  "Everybody is fighting their own unique war!"  Wow! This is so true.  Each person has their own demons and their own issues and their own way of dealing with them. 

I am guilty of this ...  not recognizing people have struggles that are not noticeable on the surface.  I am also a victim of this. People assume that I do not have weight issues because of my size.  I have learned the hard way that you do not have to be over weight to have a weight issue.  I struggle everyday with weight issues.  I struggle everyday with simple food choices.  I struggle everyday self worth.  I struggle everyday and yet 90% of the people in my life have no idea.  It is not that they do not care, it is that I refuse to let everyone know. There was a point in my life when I would have rather had people think I was on drugs then to know the real reason I was so skinny.  I was ashamed that I am anorexic. I could not tell people that I starve myself.  Those are harsh statements, but yet it is my reality.  Before this blog, very very few people knew anything about me and this.  I share now, openly and honestly as part of my journey to find recovery.  This still controls a huge part of my life, but I can not hide it.  It is PART of who I am.  It does not define me but it is part of the definition of my life.

All people are different. What I like ~ others may not.  What is right for me ~ may be wrong for others.  What makes me happy ~  may not be happiness for everyone.  What is easy for me ~ may be really hard for a few.  Food is scary for me ~ but yet is a passion for many. 

I will wake up tomorrow with an eating disorder still, but I hope that I can remember that I hide  my struggles and so does EVERY other person.  My prayer tonight is that more people recognize this too.  That more people become compassionate about others feelings.  That more people learn to put others first.  That does not mean make other people struggles your business ... but to just be kinder, because what they have going on could be worse then what you have going on.  I know that I have not always done this ... I know that I am guilty if not thinking about others first.  I am so sorry for that.  It is easy to get caught up in your own life and your own drama and to think that nothing else matters. However, the bigger picture is more then just me.  So I promise, to work harder.  Harder .... to put others first and harder to find my recovery. 

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