I am an over thinker. I cant help it. I can take something very little and think it to death. It does nothing but make me worry and cause me stress. I have major decisions to make with Bailey's health and I am so nervous. Am I a good enough mother to make such serious decisions? I do not have a medical degree, so why do they say you need to consider. I can consider all day long and at the end of the day I am still not going to have an idea of what I should do. Why cant they just say this is what we need to do and go with it? I really hate the drive home from the doctors office. Bailey is asleep in the back seat and I am crying in the front seat.
However, today I took the kids to McDonald's and we played for three hours. We laughed and fought. We played and cried. I also forgot that there is something wrong with Bailey and for a little while my mind was completely at ease. For those three hours I had a normal (as much as he can be) son. I am completely thankful for tonight. For the company we had to laugh with. For the outstanding game of kick ball we played. TEAM HAPPY ROCKS!!! For the memories that were made!!
I love my child, I love that he is brave. I love that he is still innocent and little,but yet smart enough to take care of himself and grown enough to take a responsible role in this whole thing. I pray for him. Please Lord, hold him close. Let him live his life. I pray for me too. Please Lord, hold my hand and give me the strength to be strong for him. Give me the knowledge to take him down the right paths. I know that God has a plan for both Bailey and I. I believe in that plan. I may not know what the end will look like but I know when we get there, it will be right where we need to be. So in the mean time, I will try to enjoy more of the simple small moments more and worry a little less about things that are ultimately not in my hands.